Every person is a world; all with different life stories, different ways of upbringing, of culture, of thoughts; each one of the things lived makes you different from the person next to you. When it comes to relationships, the important thing is precisely to recognize that everyone is different, no one is perfect and everyone has a past that has shaped them into what they are today.
When entering a relationship, you decide to accept every part of that person; the good, the not so good and the things that complement them. Sometimes it is often difficult to understand the other, because it may happen that you want things to be as you think or as you had imagined. But that’s when you must recognize what things you project onto the other that is not theirs and that you must respect, tolerate and be patient.
Love loves the other with their defects, without attachments and without wanting to change them. Yes, people can change if they have things that really harm themselves and others, but that change must always come from them; you should never force anyone to do what you want them to do.
Learning to love someone begins first by learning to love yourself, and then you will realize that, even with all the “bad” things, you do not allow anyone to take you out of your centre.
According to Dr Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, there are five basic ways to communicate your love to your partner, and they are as follows.
Words of affirmation
This speech of love has to do with the spoken or written word. If you are with someone whose primary language is the affirmation of words of love, you may want to say (often): “I love you!”, “You are the best!”. Or then again, you can go out pronouncing your undying relationship. A sweet and cherishing message will work as well.
If you are with a partner who needs words of affirmation to feel loved, then be sure to tell them in words and/or in writing what you feel.
Acts of service
The sweetest words anyone can hear are, “I’ll take care of that for you!” Those words can make someone feel more loved than some other individual, especially when it quiets you of doing an upsetting or obnoxious task.
If your partner is someone like that, you’re going to want to find out more about his needs and how to help him feel less stressed during the day. Bring these things up at the right time and surprise your partner with the right way to make them feel special.
For a person whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the gesture means more than the gift itself. If your partner feels loved every time you give her something or have a detail with her, keep in mind that what you give her does not have to be expensive, because the value is in the detail, in the fact that you had it in your mind and took time to choose or make your gift with your own hands.
And that value increases when it is not expected because you can spoil your partner at any time, without waiting for it to be a special date such as his birthday or anniversary. So it goes back to being as detailed as when they started the conquest.
One-on-one, full attention and shared activities – If this sounds good to you, and then this is your primary love speech. Quality time probably needs a little more attention than the other four ways of showing love because it takes, well, time. And it seems that people today have a hard time providing it because they don’t have it (or believe or say they don’t have it).
So if your partner feels loved for having cozy dinners, just the two of you, snuggling and watching movies, going for a bike ride or taking long walks, make time for it. This will make your relationship prosper. Your investment of time will pay incredible dividends. Your partner will feel loved and cared for.
When Dr Chapman speaks of physical contact as loving language, he is not necessarily referring to contact with a sexual background. The physical contact he refers to is holding the hand, squeezing the shoulder, a pat on the back, little touches here and there.
There are many ways to express love. Understanding what your partner needs is essential, but understanding how your partner shows their love is just as important. Don’t let your insecurities manipulate you. Love is a universal language. It can be spoken in many different ways.
Comment and let us know more ways to love in a right way.